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Moving past my baby

March 22, 2012

I’m uninspired. I’m only four chapters from finishing the first draft of this 600-page beast, but I can’t focus. I tell myself the end is near–just a few more weeks. But I fear I’ll put it off and those weeks will stretch into months. Then those months will become years, and I’ll finally open the document and find unfamiliar characters and a half-baked story.

In a few weeks, I will upload my baby as an eBook. I began writing “Achieving Apollo” a month after I graduated from college in 2001. I wanted to write a story about someone (a librarian) who discovered she was a goddess (Athena). I quickly learned she was boring, so I tried a male perspective. Apollo took form as Bert Myers, lead guitarist for a rock band, who must give up his dreams to become Apollo.

By the end of 2003 I had a 50,000-word, weak rough draft, but I was oh so proud. Over the next few years I pulled it out, chopped sections and added sections, chopped characters and added characters. It wasn’t anything I expected others to see. It was my personal project. But I realized I would never be happy if I didn’t release it, so I sent it to my English professor, my father, and a few others who like sci-fi and fantasy. And they actually liked it. I made their suggested changes, and the story became stronger, and I was prouder.

Then I heard of an author named Rick Riordan. Someone recommended his Percy Jackson books, and I read the series. And I knew I couldn’t try to publish “Apollo.” I feared people would see me as a mimic, even though I knew from an NPR interview that Riordan started his series years after I penned Apollo. Last year, I finally said “screw it.” I’m sick of hiding something I love from the public because of fear of accusations. Fear of others not liking something I’ve worked so hard on. It will be done.

And now I’ve realized the hardest part isn’t formatting or publishing. It’s moving past a book that’s been the only thing on my mind for over a decade. Trying to learn new characters and finding the inspiration to finish something else. All I can think of are prequels and sequels.

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From → Books, Writing

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